Some of you may have seen a book series which begins with the title, 'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy.  They're collections of lyrics not quite heard as intended, which bear a sometimes surreal or hilarious resemblance to the originals.   The author christens such lyrics "mondegreens," from a misinterpretation of a line in a song which went "they laid him on the green."  Steely Dan songs lend themselves particularly well to such dyshearing, whether genuine or willed.  The books can be sidesplitting and are worth a look.  (Other examples:  When A Man Loves A Walnut,       )
    Our own Norvis Pidner has again run amok and stoked this wacky fire with his own dysheards.  Put in your earplugs and submit your own!

*** Josie ***
"Jo, would you love two Snapple?" / She'll never say no
. .. .
Pick up what's left by Dale Ide when Josie comes home
.  . .. .  .

*** Reelin' In the Ears ***
Are you reelin' in the ears?
Stoner, weigh the "thyme"
Are you Catherine?  Up the tears!
Have you had a Nuffamine?
. .. .
You've been tellin' me you're a genie since you were 17
. .. .
Aspen - a lot of money and Aspen - a lot of time
The trip we made to Dollywood was effed up oh my my
.  . .. .  .

*** Don't Take Me Alive ***
I'm a booky person
I don't 'juana
Shoot no one
Well I crossed my old man backin' Oregon
Don't take me alive
Got a Quesa Dynamite
I could hold out here all night...
.  . .. .  .

*** Here At the Western World ***
Lay down your jacks & then you will see the sweetness
You've been crying "Fore!"
. .. .
We've got yours, Kinney Girls!
Here at the Western World
.  . .. .  .

*** Doctor Wu ***
Are you crazy, are you high, or Justin Ordin, airy guy?
Hashy finally got to you?
Are you rhythmy, Doctor?
.  . .. .  .

*** Florida Room ***
When summer comes I get ready
to make that Cara B. run
. .. .
When Doug Goldwyn comes
I go where the dahlias bloom
. .. .
Well she's dressed to warm
Fatha's latitude
.  . .. .  .

*** Night By Night ***
Until my shit comes in, I'll live night by night
.  . .. .  .

*** Hey 19 ***
Wade back, Gwen N-67
. .. .
The queer vote Gold; the fined, Cole Lumby and...
Meg denied a wonderful thing
.  . .. .  .

*** Third World Man ***
Smokey's Hyundai...he's been Mobil-ized since dawn
.  . .. .  .

*** Book of Liars ***
Bye Ann Bi-Girl
We'll get over the things we've done and the things we've said
But Noxious Now-Girl....
. .. .
Elect Ron Stansing in the frozen crystal dawn
. .. .
ElectRon's dancing in the frozen Crisco/Dawn
.  . .. .  .

*** New Frontier ***
I hear you're mad about brew, Beck
. .. .
He's an artist, a pie, an ear
We've got to have some music on the new frontier
. .. .
The key word is "Sir Vivalon"
The new frontier
. .. .
She's Waring-Ambush, Anna Frenchtwist
She's got us while Dan-she can tell
She loves Tulimbo; that much is clear
She's got the right-eye nammik for the new front ear
.  . .. .  .

*** Tomorrow's Girls ***
Mommy's kiss & Daddy's good buy
Then the milkman's cream done pointed up at the sky
. .. .
From Sheila's to the Reevsa KidsMart...
They're speeding towards our son
On a potty run
Here come Tomorrow's Girls
. .. .
They're mixing with a pop elation
Elvira's swearing "Pump sand, Pearl..."
The Heat is sewin' tents
Earthmen have no defense against Tomorrow's Girls
.  . .. .  .

*** Glamour Profession ***
Six - oh, five
Outside the stadium
. .. .
Jack with his radar
Stalking the dread moray eel
At the wheel with his/your Asian bride
. .. .
Ha, Lee Wood - I know your middle name
Who inspires your fabled fools?
That's Mike "Lame" D'fame
. .. .
Set you on dumplings
Now that the deal has been done
.  . .. .  .

*** Hard Up Case ***
I know you gave your little harp to me
I guess I threw the thing away
.  . .. .  .

*** I Got the News ***
You came raging / "Love Ram" paging
.  . .. .  .

*** Gaucho ***
You're a nasty schoolboy with no place to "go"
. .. .
Can't you see there, Laughing-At-Me?
. .. .
Who is that gaucho amigo
Why is he standing in your spangled leather poncho
And your Ella Vader shoes?
Bodacious cow, boys
Suchaz, your friend will never be Welk -
Um, here...
.  . .. .  .

*** Black Cow ***
I saw ewe in Rudy's
Ewe were very high
Ewe were high!
It was a crying disgrace
They smell your face
.  . .. .  .

*** Deacon Blues ***
My back to the wall, a victim of laughing chants
. .. .
Make love to these women, Languid and Bittersweet
. .. .
So, Useless II, ask me why,
Throw up, kiss and say goodbye
. .. .
I'll learn to irk the saxophone
I'll play "Just What I Feel"
Drink Scott's whiskey all night long / And dine behind the wheel
They got a name for the winners in the world
I wanna maim when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
- Calmy deacon blues -
.  . .. .  .

*** Ride Captain Ride ***
Ride, Captain, Ride upon your mystery ship
On your whey Tilt-A-Whirl that others might have missed
.  . .. .  .

*** Kid Charlemagne ***
I think the people down the hall know Hooya R.
. .. .
Son your worm is taken
You were all two - neat
Look at all the white men on this treat
.  . .. .  .

*** Home At Last ***
I guess that I'm the lucky one
Who rode that tired see-saw
Set on this peaceful shore
You think you've heard this one:  B-4
. .. .
Bingo!
. .. .
She serves the smooth red Zima
She keeps my* safe end warm        (*some British say "me")
It's just the combi for this dorm
.  . .. .  .

*** The Nightfly ***
I've got plenty of java
And Chester feeled kings
. .. .
With jazz and conversation
>From the foot of my Aunt Beltzoni
.  . .. .  .

*** The Goodbye Look ***
The smurf was easy on the day I came to stay
On this quiet island in the bay
. .. .
All the Americans are gone except Fertu
. .. .
I know a fella with a MotorLunch for hire...
For tonight, they're arranging a small reception just for me
Behind the big casino by the C
.  . .. .  .

*** Century's End ***
Let's get to the loveseat my friend
Which means look, maybe touch butt
Beyond that not too much
.  . .. .  .

*** FM ***
Nothin' but booze in Elvis
And somebody yells his favorite song
............

***Almost Gothic***
"She's pure science with a special black hat..." (Hoops!)
............

***What A Shame About Me***
"I'm still working for McDonald, but I'm just about to quit." Thought they left thes off McDonalds intentionally.   (rubybaby, 2/28/00)
...
"Bobby LaKind on the bongos suprise, is coming out with something new"...  (Midnite Cruiser, 3/31/00)
............

***"Sign In Stranger"***
     REAL THING: You zombie
     WHAT I HEARD: You saw me (aja, 3/31/00)
............

***"Don't Take Me Alive"***
     REAL THING: I'm a bookkeeper's son
     WHAT I HEARD: Parlez-vous, key person (aja, 3/31/00:  "I'm particularly proud of that last one. ")
..........

***"King of the World" ***
     REAL THING:Can you hear me call/ on this old ham radio.
     WHAT I HEARD: Can't you hear my call/ on this whole damn radio. (aja, 4/6/00)
..........

***"Android Warehouse"***
    Android Whorehouse (brings a whole new image to mind, huh?) (Fletch, 4/6/00)
............

And a selection from |||||||| (rumblestrip) (GB, 11/15/00):

***"Only A Fool Would Say That"***
    Lyric: And there on the screen, a man with a dream
     I heard: And there on the screen, a man with a grin
     (Is this really misheard or is the lyric on the ODP wrong??)

***"Bring Back The Boston Rag"***
     Lyric: You were Lady Bayside
     I heard: You were late at Bayside

***"Bad Sneakers"***
    Lyric: And one more chimp who isn't here
    I heard: And one more, Chip, who isn't here

***"Dr. Wu"***
     Lyric: Where the Cuban gentleman sleep all day
     I heard: Where the cue-bound gentlemen sleep all day

***"Kid Charlemagne"***
     Lyric: Every A-frame had your number on the wall
     I heard: Every ape-man had your number on the wall

***(skat on Fire in the Hole)***
     Lyric: Vlah vlah vlah-vlah mm-vlah
     I heard: la la la la la ...just kidding, I know I've got this one right :)

...............

***"Deacon Blues"***
    "that stagger the mind" = that standard of mine (snakehips, GB, 11/15/00)

***"Kid Charlemagne"***
    "technicolor motor home" = @#$%^&*()*&^%$#@
     get a loan kid charlemagne... (snakehips, GB, 11/15/00)

...............

and now from wormtom (GB, 11/15/00)

    peg - when your "shoulder" falls, you see it all "real" - instead of "shutter", all "in 3D"

     aja - when all my "dying" dancing is through - instead of dime

     DTMA - "poor preacher's" son - instead of bookkeeper's

     peg - I like your "picture" - instead of pin shot

[[tones, GB, 11/16/00):  You mean it's *not* "I see your "picture""? Whoa, hold on a second! I'm having a major life refocus. *Twenty+ years* of car dancing and singing the wrong lyric! Imagine how my life could have been different if I had known the right words... ]]

     HAL - smooth "red cedar" - instead of retsina

    Babylon Sisters--jog with showful consent instead of jog with show folk on the sand

..................

***"Any Major Dude"***

have.you.ever.seen.em.swap.steers?.well.look.at.mine (Roy.Scam, GB, 11/16/00)

..................

***"The New Frontier"***

I hear you're mad about Reubens  (|||||||||, GB, 11/15/00)

.................

***"Babylon Sisters"***

drink gazpacho from a shell (Dean Martin, GB, 11/16/00)

................

 first heard Glamour profession when drunk and 'Jack with his radar' was interpreted by me as 'jack with his
     ray-gun'
     I still have a mental block about it to this day.   (sisteralphonso, GB, 11/16/00)

...............

***"What A Shame About Me"***

"Bobby Da Kine with the bumps and grinds..." (NotMyNancy, GB, 11/16/00)

..............

***"Almost Gothic"***

"As if I'm not already blazed enough,
     she hits me with the "crippling" stuff."

I was sort of sad to hear that one go... it held fond connotations for me...  (tones, GB, 11/17/00)

..............

***" Your Gold Teeth"***

"Wash you hands up on the kitchen floor"  (Peg, 01/01/01)

.............

***"The Last Mall"***

We've got "the tools for saliva"  (Peg, 6/26/03)